Again, it’s far past midnight, listening to great music and have the urge of writing. About anything, but I don’t feel I have anything to write about. I’ll get there eventually, I always start doubted, but then it just happens.
If things go as planned, this may be a life ‘turn’, this summer. This stuff we plan to do, it’s really great. I hope it works, we’re quite serious, and there’s a large possibility; from all the support we’ve been getting from just the few people we’ve told. But we’ll keep it a secret.. just for now.
I know every summer there’s something crazy I wanna do, but thus far, this is literally the craziest. And to even put my brother into this.. Let’s hope it works. Let’s hope I get what I want, through hard work and effort, anyone can reach their dreams.
You keep saying ‘tomorrow will be different’, ‘tomorrow I will start’ but you never do, do you? Man, what a waste.
A friend of mine has been quite rough with me lately, I know she’s just kidding around, being “mean” and all. But when I talk back, also jokingly, she ‘makes a big deal’ out of it. What a pain.
Dad’s coming back from China this morning isA, hope he returns safely. Man, I’m listening to this classic 2000’s rock music, I love this music, it’s been such a while.
I don’t want to walk in anyone’s footsteps, literally do as they did. I want to learn from them, and ‘get something’ out of their experiences; I repeat, learn from them. Those who mindlessly graduate highschool, and then university, then work a job they hate.. I feel so sorry for them, I hope not the same for me. Although such people are very close to them, some I see daily.. but what’s the point of education if there is no innovation?
Our schools must teach us how to create, how to be innovative, how to imagine more. But who am I to say so, if you really want to make any significant ‘difference’ in this world, you should begin by yourself. You do it. You search, you imagine, you create. But it truly worries me how people accept what was already set out for them. They accept this ‘ritual’ without any adventure, no surprises. Education and then Marriage. And that is all, that is your life, that is the only contribution worth mentioning of you. What a life to live, one set by others.
Anyway, this is all just me blabbering, on and on. Perhaps the reason I’m not over yet with this post is because I don’t want it to end. I feel as if I am talking to someone, one who understands, a person beside me, here. Shocker, I’ve currently started watching another series. It circulates around two girls who have been “switched at birth”, so basically that’s the story. And maybe I’m actually attracted to the story because these two girls don’t know where they belong, they’re tied between two edges. Not that this is my situation, not at all, but I can’t stop thinking about it. About my parents , about my existence, about that day. It’s happened long time ago, and I was too shallow to think of it in any ‘deep’ perspective. I was such a shallow bitch. I was so bad.
Oh my, hahaha, I haven’t had a cry like this in a while as well. I want my parents to be proud of me, I want all their regrets to never be thought of again. I need someone here, I don’t like my friends very much. No, not them. They’re great people, but, I don’t find that of a great deal in our conversations. I miss those topics that would bring me chills, those that would make my head spin, those that I would think of for the whole day.
I used to be so much different than this, My days consisted of practically enjoying every second most of the time; through doing what is not ‘accepted’. I felt like such a badass, rebellion. That adrenaline rush, it was, far too great to let behind. Such a while, it’s been so long. Why am I thinking of this now?
Muna will be coming, and Irtika. I wanna stay. I don’t wanna go to Egypt I don’t wanna go I don’t wanna go. I’ve been waiting for this moment for 3 years. I really don’t wanna go. I just wanna stay here. I wanna be with my friends. I miss them so much. They’re the only people I’ve ever met through my school life that I’d give up a summer in egypt for. I miss them. I’m going anyway, it’s not like I have any say in this matter. I just wish I wouldn’t. At the same time, I wanna see my brothers, my sister, her daughter and my cousins. My uncles, aunts and my family. My hearts at a rapid beat-rate right now. I don’t know what this is. My head aches, and I am filled with a weird sort of emotion, this hint of rage but gratitude, glad but longing..
Any way, I’ve met great people throughout my life, but for now, I just want the greatest to be beside me. I feel so.. alone?
Right so im walking home and I see this guy rolling a cigarette under a streetlamp and when he clicked his lighter THE FUCKING STREETLIGHT WENT OUT
I stopped in my tracks and stared at this guy who looks up at me then to his lighter and hes as surprised as me then he takes his thumb off the trigger and THE STREETLIGHT TURNS BACK ON
HE GAVE THE MOST SURPRISED LOOK OF ANYONE EVER AND THEN SHOUTED “LATER MUGGLES” AND FUCKING RAN OFF
AM I DREAMING